Will My Quadriplegic Son Ever Get Married?
Society likes to ask the question “when are you getting married?” As a mother of a quadriplegic son, I remember having stressful thoughts about this. Will my son get married? Will he meet someone who accepts his disability? How will this work? I even had a family member ask me if Zack was limited to dating someone who is also in a wheelchair. Clearly, they were a bit naive but again, so was I at first.
At the time of his spinal cord injury, Zack wasn’t old enough to even have a driver’s license and had only experienced a couple junior high crushes. While in the hospital he had visitors and one girl admitted she had feelings for him. Being newly paralyzed, this was interesting timing as Zack was flattered, he was not in a place to start a romantic relationship. The next three years he focused on finishing high school and lots of physical therapy. He applied to colleges last minute and thankfully was accepted to a local 4-year university. Zack lived on campus (with a live-in caregiver) in hopes to experience college life as much as he could. He dated a bit, hung out with people but it never resulted in anything serious.
Around the age of 21-22, Zack decided to try and get more serious about dating. He signed up on some dating apps, put himself out there and went on a lot of first dates - learning the art of wheelchair dating as he went. He met some compatible women but again nothing serious. By dating this way, it gave him practice socializing and navigating the dating world. He had good and bad dates but all of them taught Zack something. He got more comfortable going out and learned what worked for him. For example, he would arrive early for the date and figure out seating, and order specific foods he knew he could eat on his own. At the end of the date, after the other person left, he would call for a ride home. By going out more and more, it built up his confidence and people skills.
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Zack had a few short-term relationships for a few months each and then met someone on Instagram. They had over a two-year relationship. This relationship taught Zack even more: how to become a better listener, compromise, and communication skills. Zack learned so much about himself during this time frame and what he really wanted in a relationship. Ultimately, in the end this was just not his lifelong partner.
Zack was forced to move back home after this break up which was very difficult after living an independent life away from parents, but he did what he had to do. After about a year, he was able to move out again with a new full-time caregiver. Working towards his master’s degree and personal goals kept him busy.
Zack met Amanda in October of 2022 he told me it was his best first date he’d ever been on, and that they talked naturally and had deep conversation for five hours straight. He said it just flowed and never felt awkward. The relationship moved forward fast, and both have said they really like the fact that they can be together without talking, just being in the same room but doing their own things. They enjoy each other’s company and look forward to seeing each other. In the summer of 2023 while on vacation in Hawaii Zack proposed, and Amanda said yes. Wedding plans are in full swing and at ages 29/30 they are ready to start a life together.
I feel happy about them together and yes, my quadriplegic son will get married.