We are all curious, and getting to know new people can be an exciting and positive part of life. But my disability is often the first thing people notice about me, and it is not who I am. I am a man, I am gay, I am a writer, I have a disability, I love to dine out, I am an avid theater-goer, I am married, and there are many, many other qualities and experiences that add up to who I am. My disability is neither the most important thing about me, nor the most interesting.
But all too often, people meet us, notice our disability, and don’t go further. They don’t ask what we do for a living, they don’t ask what our hobbies are, they don’t ask where we have traveled - all things that might come up in conversation with other people they meet. Why? Because it is too easy for people to focus on our disabilities. No one meets a new person, has a good conversation, and then goes home and only remembers his height. Nor do they turn to a friend and say, “I just met a fascinating woman, and she was wearing a pink dress.” These are never the most important things about the people they encounter. But I am sure that often those who meet us start their description with “He’s paralyzed. He’s in a wheelchair.”
I am not ashamed of my disability. In fact, I am proud to be part of the disability community and proud that I do many things I once thought were impossible. But I am not defined by my disability. We have made great strides in gaining equality and access, but we have miles to go before we change public perception. Some people pity us. Some look down on us as if we are lesser human beings. Some assume we have severely limited lives, unable to connect with others or have a fulfilling love life. Do they assume these things with others they meet?