Following trauma, we may feel vulnerable and overwhelmed about what is safe, making it more difficult to trust others. Our confidence may be shaken and how we see ourselves may differ. In addition, anxiety and depression are common symptoms following a traumatic experience, and both are known to negatively impact self-esteem. Believing that we are not worthy of relationships, love, belonging, intimacy, and connection increases the likelihood that we will struggle in relationships. We may isolate ourselves, remain guarded, or even engage in behaviors that sabotage our relationships due to feeling undeserving.
In addition, defensiveness is a natural reaction to painful experiences because our mind is trying to protect us from further pain. As we try to protect ourselves, we may feel threatened more easily and we may be more hypervigilant of our surroundings due to the impact trauma has had on our central nervous system. We may become angry more easily or we may lash out at others. Defensiveness can also make it difficult to engage in active listening.
Healthy relationships can also be a struggle due to feelings of helplessness. Trauma makes us feel defeated and sometimes we blame ourselves or believe that we “should have” done more to protect us from the trauma. We must remember that these types of maladaptive beliefs are not helpful because the truth is that the trauma was not our fault. We did not deserve the trauma. We did not ask for it. We did not have time to prepare for it. It’s so important to remember that we did the best that we could at the time.