Here’s How Trauma Can Impact Your Relationships
Being diagnosed with paralysis is a traumatic experience for both the individual and also their loved ones. Unfortunately, trauma leaves us with emotional consequences that can sometimes wreak havoc on our relationships. It’s important to understand how our trauma symptoms can impact this part of our lives so that we can look out for these patterns and get support when needed.
Following trauma, we may feel vulnerable and overwhelmed about what is safe, making it more difficult to trust others. Our confidence may be shaken and how we see ourselves may differ. In addition, anxiety and depression are common symptoms following a traumatic experience, and both are known to negatively impact self-esteem. Believing that we are not worthy of relationships, love, belonging, intimacy, and connection increases the likelihood that we will struggle in relationships. We may isolate ourselves, remain guarded, or even engage in behaviors that sabotage our relationships due to feeling undeserving.
In addition, defensiveness is a natural reaction to painful experiences because our mind is trying to protect us from further pain. As we try to protect ourselves, we may feel threatened more easily and we may be more hypervigilant of our surroundings due to the impact trauma has had on our central nervous system. We may become angry more easily or we may lash out at others. Defensiveness can also make it difficult to engage in active listening.
Healthy relationships can also be a struggle due to feelings of helplessness. Trauma makes us feel defeated and sometimes we blame ourselves or believe that we “should have” done more to protect us from the trauma. We must remember that these types of maladaptive beliefs are not helpful because the truth is that the trauma was not our fault. We did not deserve the trauma. We did not ask for it. We did not have time to prepare for it. It’s so important to remember that we did the best that we could at the time.
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If we slip into feelings of self-blame, it’s going to be hard to feel confident in our ability to manage other challenges in the future. Particularly in relationships, we may feel less capable of solving interpersonal conflicts, we may struggle to manage disagreements, and we may feel overwhelmed by the “work” that comes with maintaining close bonds with others. Trauma tricks us into feeling like nobody else will ever understand what we have gone through. It’s important for trauma recovery to challenge these beliefs and find safe spaces where we can truly be authentic and open about what we’ve gone through.
Finally, trauma can wreak havoc on our emotional regulation skills. Emotional regulation refers to our ability to effectively manage and respond to a wide spectrum of emotions, including intense emotions like anger or deep sadness. We may be more likely to cancel plans with our friends, we may need to ask for more patience from others, or we may need to restructure our everyday routines. Please don’t feel guilty about these life changes. These are natural adjustments that you may need to make following trauma. It’s perfectly okay (and responsible) to create lifestyle changes if needed to maximize your healing process.
No matter what you experience, it’s important to recognize that your relationships may be affected due to trauma symptoms – NOT character flaws. You should not blame yourself. You should not feel guilty or ashamed. You deserve healthy relationships that make you feel secure and connected with others. It takes time to heal from trauma, but working on your trauma recovery and learning to trust others again can help you regain your sense of social connection. Rebuilding relationships and discovering new ways to connect is worthwhile and possible with practice, patience, and time.