The Real

Sitting at my work desk just fine scrolling my job's work page to see what was for lunch and then boom. My heart starts pounding faster and harder, I begin to feel like my airways are closing in on me. My hands start to tremble like a child’s legs walking on the high ropes. During all of this, my head is pounding like a sumo wrestler jumping on my head. I escaped to the nearest restroom to get my breathing under control and to take back the narrative that is my life. Ten minutes go by and nothing. I come out of the restroom and try to shake it off and get back to work. Then the tears started to roll down my face like a river that flowed into the ocean. I had to tell my boss that I needed to go outside to get some air. I couldn’t even make it through my sentence without starting my Kim Kardashian cry. Once outside I just let it out and cried. I rolled over to the Hospice House because it is peaceful, private, and quiet. My kids are my world, but they were at school, so I had to call the next best thing, my sister. Just hearing my nieces and nephew's voices soothes me like a baby drinking warm milk from a bottle. 

What is anxiety? Medline Plus defines anxiety as a "feeling of fear, dread, and uneasiness". It might cause you to sweat, feel restless and tense, and have a rapid heartbeat also can be a normal reaction to stress. LOL, stress as a paralyzed person, how don’t we stress? Mayo Clinic lists several types of anxiety disorders. Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and often avoid places and situations that might cause panic. You have disorders due to medical conditions, selective mutism, social anxiety, specific phobias, and substance-induced anxiety disorder. Generalized anxiety disorder includes persistent and excessive anxiety and worry about activities and events. Then, we have a panic disorder that involves repeated episodes of sudden feelings of intense anxiety and fear or terror that reach a peak in minutes. That one right there is a big one for me if we’re being honest. Also, there is one that I believe not only relates to kids but to adults as well - Separation Anxiety Disorder. Mayo says that "a disorder is a childhood disorder that is characterized by anxiety that’s excessive for the child’s development level and related to separation from parents or others who have parental roles". I know I have this one, so it doesn’t just apply to children. I have separation anxiety from my kids, especially my son Karter.