When I started writing this blog, my oldest was in first grade, and my youngest was about to turn 2. Now I have a rising fifth grader and Kindergartener and my parenting role is constantly changing. Their feelings run the gamut of the emotional spectrum on any given day. That means if I limit time on the gaming system, I know I’ll hear that I’m the worst mother. I fully expect to hear that I’m both the best mom and ruining their lives multiple times a day.
My role four years ago was diaper duty, sesame street, juice, and snacks. Thankfully the diaper phase is long gone. I do miss Sesame Street; Pokemon isn’t a bad option though. Now there’s teachers, homework, friends, striking the balance between too many and not enough afterschool activities, self-image, nutrition, clothes, and sister/parent relationship management. They are all important for my girls’ development, but the one I engage in the most is sister/parent relationship management, aka referee.
Everyone in my house including me is strong-willed, passionate, and helpful. We are all “always right” and determined to fix everything for the people we love. So how do I manage two kids at different development stages who enjoy pushing each other’s buttons and mine without cracking in half? I don’t always. Being human and a parent generally means that at some point, I’ve had enough. But I keep trying.
I lead with love. Whether we’re hugging or having a “discussion” I say, “I love you.” I never want them to doubt my love. I also try to consider the feelings that lead to the action and subsequent discussion. Also, once the moment is over, it’s over. I revert back to their snuggly mama. If there’s a repercussion it stands. But I don’t hold their actions over them.