Lately, I have reflected on the importance of interdependence.
We’re not any weaker for admitting that we need support from other people. It took me a long time to acknowledge this truth, even though I have always been disabled. I shied away from my disability identity and strove to prove that I was more than my disability. As I grew into adulthood, I realized that disability is an integral part of my lived experience. But until recently, I still valued independence over interdependence.
The death of my Aunt Diane this past March brought a personal significance to the idea of interdependence. My aunt was a strong, independent woman who lived on her own. She was like a mother to me, and she instilled confidence in myself and my abilities. My Aunt Diane never let my family and I see that her health was declining, physically and mentally. She was too proud to ask for help and rely on the people who loved her and would have been understanding. After her passing, we questioned why she would not let us in to see how much she was hurting.
We don’t know if the outcome would have been different if my aunt reached out for help, but I would like to believe that it may have saved my family and I from the lingering question of “Why?” that still hangs over us. Why did she not reach out? Why did we not offer to help? Why were we so caught up in our own independent lives? Even if we couldn’t change the outcome, my aunt’s passing may have felt less jarring if she had embraced interdependence. Relying on one another in reciprocal fashion could have brought us more solace and peace.
A month after my aunt’s passing, I was traveling in New York City with my mother. During this trip, I fell in my hotel room and could not get back up. To my dismay and embarrassment, we needed to call hotel security for assistance. They kindly lifted me up in less time than it had taken me to struggle by myself, but I stubbornly did not want their help. Because of internalized ableism, I hated my disability for making me fall and leaving me without the strength to push myself back up. I wanted to prove that I could take care of myself without assistance. But had I not accepted help, I might have missed the opportunity to see Josh Groban in a production of Sweeney Todd.