A Reflection on Interdependence
Lately, I have reflected on the importance of interdependence.
Regardless of ability, being human means relying on someone else. We rely on baristas during our daily coffee runs. We rely on educators and mentors who guide us along our path to adulthood. Society exists and functions on interdependence.
We’re not any weaker for admitting that we need support from other people. It took me a long time to acknowledge this truth, even though I have always been disabled. I shied away from my disability identity and strove to prove that I was more than my disability. As I grew into adulthood, I realized that disability is an integral part of my lived experience. But until recently, I still valued independence over interdependence.
The death of my Aunt Diane this past March brought a personal significance to the idea of interdependence. My aunt was a strong, independent woman who lived on her own. She was like a mother to me, and she instilled confidence in myself and my abilities. My Aunt Diane never let my family and I see that her health was declining, physically and mentally. She was too proud to ask for help and rely on the people who loved her and would have been understanding. After her passing, we questioned why she would not let us in to see how much she was hurting.
We don’t know if the outcome would have been different if my aunt reached out for help, but I would like to believe that it may have saved my family and I from the lingering question of “Why?” that still hangs over us. Why did she not reach out? Why did we not offer to help? Why were we so caught up in our own independent lives? Even if we couldn’t change the outcome, my aunt’s passing may have felt less jarring if she had embraced interdependence. Relying on one another in reciprocal fashion could have brought us more solace and peace.
A month after my aunt’s passing, I was traveling in New York City with my mother. During this trip, I fell in my hotel room and could not get back up. To my dismay and embarrassment, we needed to call hotel security for assistance. They kindly lifted me up in less time than it had taken me to struggle by myself, but I stubbornly did not want their help. Because of internalized ableism, I hated my disability for making me fall and leaving me without the strength to push myself back up. I wanted to prove that I could take care of myself without assistance. But had I not accepted help, I might have missed the opportunity to see Josh Groban in a production of Sweeney Todd.
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After this incident, I reflected on my anger at my disability. Even as a disability rights advocate, I wasn’t exempt from feeling the shame and guilt that stems from the prevailing perceptions of independence, especially related to physical fitness.
We live in a country that celebrates and idealizes independence. Disability culture is often no different. The Independent Living Movement arose from the 1960's Disability Rights Movement. However, while people with disabilities have the right to live independently in the community, many cannot do so without caregivers that assist with tasks of daily living. The ongoing direct care crisis has created barriers to the homecare support that people need to live independently. Certain bodies are still privileged and prioritized by society. We should be collectively cultivating interdependence by investing in the support that people need to live with a disability.
My experiences as a disabled woman, as well as the loss of my Aunt Diane, led me to realize that without interdependence, there is no independence. Living independently doesn’t mean doing it all yourself. You cannot live meaningfully unless you rely on others.
Author’s Bio:
Born with cerebral palsy, Katie's lifelong experience with disability fuels her passion for accessibility and inclusivity of public spaces. A native Michigander, she currently works as the Conda Family Manager of Access Initiatives at the Toledo Museum of Art. In Katie’s (constantly fleeting) spare time, she enjoys writing, watching old (and new!) movies, singing along to music, and spending time with friends and family.