Navigating Parenthood and Disability

I’m a little over 18 years post-accident (resulting in my T8 paralysis) and a little under one-year post-childbirth. Both statistics are mind-blowing: how have almost two decades already passed and have I really been a mother for that long?

My paralysis and motherhood have both been full of ups and downs, but I’ve managed an overall upward trajectory for as long as I can remember. There have been a few wrenches in my way (see: constant wounds and postpartum near-depression), but my forward motion is largely thanks to listening to my needs and giving myself respect. My needs and that respect have looked very different over time, but I’ve learned [the hard way] that it’s important to honor them both.

Easier said than done, I know.

As a mama to a beautiful growing boy, I can’t be my priority anymore: taking a shower is a late-night luxury; I’ve gone pro in eating my food with one hand, while the other feeds a tiny mouth; I’ve sensationalized “bathroom time” with my son in the mornings so he’ll come with me to brush my teeth; and a list of everyday labors I now consider luxuries. It’s the best and I wouldn’t change a thing, please believe that.

But then I get a pressure sore on my ischium.

Then I get a UTI.

Then I have a headache from skipping lunch.

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You see the trend: I stop taking care of myself because I’m distracted. That’s not a good excuse, but it’s what I have. Incorporating self-care takes conscious effort anyway, and even more when I have a tiny shadow smiling up at me. These are reminders for mamas, but also for everyone.

Pay attention to your body. This is biggest for me because it took years to nail down, then I went back to square one when I became a mama. “Pay attention to your body” is my balloon reminder to do pressure reliefs, drink water, eat balanced meals, take naps. I was first to say “phooey” to these – especially the naps – but to what end? The better my body works, the better I can love my boy. Sold.
And your mind. My best examples of this sounds so silly, but they’re small/big deals: I asked my husband to take over letting our dog outside before bed while I feed baby, so I don’t have to do it all. It’s a small task that somehow felt like 50lbs. There are certain people I’ve also avoided in the name of mental health. The “silly” things can often be the biggest.
Find what works. Let’s save you some time: if you’re pregnant with a disability [aside from my Paralyzed and Pregnant series], there’s little-to-no information on the internet about accessibility and adaptations; like most things post-paralysis, I’ve had to figure it all out myself. I did, and that was another 50lb weight lifted off me. I’ve had to adapt with every pound he’s grown, but knowing that I can do it has been an enormous comfort that served my mental health.

Motherhood is a fascinating and joyful ride. My biggest motivation has been to take care of myself so I’ll be around for every minute of it.