Losing Friends
Sadly, I recently lost a 30-year friendship. I suppose it wasn't a total surprise since we have drifted apart over the last few years. I met this friend in junior high, and I am now 50 years old. We went through our wild teenage years together, our 20s & 30s, working and raising kids, and all the ups and downs life throws at you. We've been through midlife and menopause. Then, I received a long break-up text. It felt so strange, especially in the form of a text message. I needed to process what she said before I responded. She was hurt by how we drifted apart and felt I hadn't been there for her. She acknowledged my crazy busy life yet explained that at this stage in her life, she wanted friends that were physically and emotionally there for her.
I could understand her point. She didn't want just a checking-in text occasionally, which is what our friendship had dwindled to. Truthfully our lives have gone in different directions. We have become different people and enjoy different things. I'm a more reclusive person, introvert by nature, but she is very sociable and outgoing. She likes to have fun and party with large crowds of noise and beer, while I want to drink coffee one on one or with a very small group. It's not only that we are different in these ways, but I have other similar friends, and we get along fine. We are generally the opposite, and no longer have things in common or as much to discuss. We have a ton of adventures and funny memories together, and it felt legitimately sad when we talked. We ended on a kind note wishing each other the best but agreed we would go separate ways.
I thought by the time I turned 50; I'd have a lot more accomplished. I'd be healthier and much more mature. When I was younger, 50 was old. I was 38 when Zack became quadriplegic. All my time and energy went into helping my boy and keeping my family of 6 from falling apart. Life as I knew it turned sharply in a completely different direction. I reference before the injury and after the injury when talking about certain issues. Friendships are one of them. Having longtime friends who knew our family before Zack's accident and new friends, we met after his spinal cord injury.
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When something catastrophic suddenly happens to you, you find out who your true friends are. People I considered my close friends went silent, while others who I considered acquaintances rose to the occasion and were a huge support. I understand people do not know what to say. I've been on both sides. In the beginning, there is a rally of support; then, it drops off. I have seen this happen over and over again. This isn't a bad thing it's just life.
The loss of this longtime friend has got me thinking about who my true friends are. What do I want in my personal relationships? I'd rather have fewer close friends than many acquaintances. It seems like everyone's lives are busy and seem to get busier, not slower. I'm trying to have grace for myself and others. This roller coaster ride called life does not play fair so it's better to learn to be flexible, figure out what's important to you and focus on those things. Even after losing a longtime friend, I see some good that's come out of that situation. Maybe we will cross paths again in the future.