Lighten Up
How could anyone say lighten up after a spinal cord injury has completely devastated you? You can’t, not right away but it can happen. It now feels like a lifetime ago when my son broke his neck. I have memories and photos of him as an able-bodied child and active teen and the rest he is in a wheelchair. It took years for me to get used to seeing Zack this way. I’d find myself thinking why is my boy in that wheelchair? I obviously knew why but it just looked so odd. No mother wants to witness their child struggle, yet I knew we had to accept reality. I didn’t want to get stuck in the past wishing he still had use of his legs and hands. Zack’s the one who taught me to focus on the things he could still do and figure out new ways to do the rest. I had a fierce determination to keep moving Zack forward. I didn’t want to get stuck at the pity party.
I have a hard time relaxing; I have had to learn how. I have had to practice not taking on too many things at one time. I lived in a state of feeling overwhelmed for years, yet I learned so many things along the way, and we achieved many wonderful goals that have created a good life for Zack. I also have trouble staying in the present moment; I get ahead of myself and too task focused. This is not a bad quality, but most things must have a balance. When your whole life is work and no fun, you will feel it. Being overwhelmed is a big sign that things are off. Having 4 kids and managing life in general is tough but in the end it’s the fun memories you remember, not how many things you crossed off your to do lists even though that does feel good.
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In my own personal journey, I had to figure out how to lighten up. I started by not dwelling so much on the negative, my sadness mixed with me taking life so seriously, I lost my sense of humor. With a spinal cord injury, you must keep a good sense of humor there are many things that will challenge you and I find myself many times not knowing if I should laugh or cry…
I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to let go but everyone heals at their own pace, learning those tough life lessons at their own pace. I would definitely tell my younger self to relax! The interesting thing is the more you lighten up, things fall into place they have a chance to work themselves out, all that stress and worry was for nothing. One of my big reminders is to ask myself what I was worrying about a week or month ago, and if I can’t even remember, it was not worth all that energy. I believe even with something as huge as a spinal cord injury, you can lighten up, accept what is, and get out and do things. Zack is living proof of this. Don’t get stuck.