To: Me, From: Me: A Letter to My Past Self
I know what you are thinking: “How did I get here?”
Don’t panic. The hardest part is surviving what you went through, and you did that. So many thoughts are running through your head. “What happened?” “Will I ever be able to walk again?” “What is a spinal cord injury?” I’m not saying this journey will be easy. But if you can handle this, you can handle what comes.
You were always a visitor. For the first time, everyone is here to see you. The doctors are going to whisper to your parents and tiptoe around your feelings. You are going to eavesdrop (because you’re still the same Sneaky Sabrina) and hear doctors say things that will leave you feeling hopeless and defeated. “The chances of her coming back from this are very slim.” “The best that we can hope for is that she will be able to operate a power wheelchair one day.” Don’t listen to them. They might be book smart and think they know what is “supposed” to happen, but you will make them rethink everything they thought they knew about disability. They have no idea the magic you have inside of you.
After you become paralyzed, you’re not going to be the happy-go-lucky girl that you always were. You will learn what true loneliness, frustration, and sadness feel like. You’re going to do more existing than living as you adjust to your new life. It was nice having “friends” to celebrate and share good times with, but despite all the time and effort you put into those relationships, they won’t be there when you most need them. It’s a blessing in disguise, because the relationship that you’re going to build with yourself will be much more fulfilling than you could have imagined.
They say rock bottom teaches you lessons that mountaintops never will. Becoming familiar with this new version of yourself is going to require a lot of patience you’ve never had, but you will learn the meaning of patience quickly. You are going to spend a lot of time missing the simple things from your old life, such as independence, confidence, and friends. But don’t give up. As scary as it seems, grief is an important part of creating your new life. Stick like glue to the friends and loved ones who take this wild ride with you. You’ll need their endless supply of encouragement and support. While it will hurt to do so, gracefully let go of the people that cannot accept your changed life and don’t show you the understanding that you deserve. The people who surround you are going to show up for you unconditionally, and they will surprise you.
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You are going to start going to rehab to regain some of your independence, and even though you didn’t enjoy working out before, you are going to love it now. Reaching milestones and crushing goals because of your own hard work is going to leave you with an indescribable feeling of liberation. While you might have taken a step back physically, you are mentally going to become stronger than ever before.
You may have a new body, but you still have the same heart. You will grow into someone that you never thought was possible. You will inspire people close to you, strangers too, with your stubbornness to make the impossible possible. The people in your life now are going to make you realize that you can still create new friendships, despite what you originally thought. You might think your life is ending, but this is a new beginning.
Time will heal you from the inside out. Slowly but surely, you will crawl out of the darkness that once felt overwhelming. Your perspective on life will shift, and you will finally get your rose-tinted glasses back.
Welcome home to your new life. I think you are going to like it here.
Author Bio: Sabrina Patel is 30 years old and lives in Orlando, FL. In 2018 she learned the true meaning of adversity. Since then, she’s been on a journey to self love. Mentally and physically, she is becoming a version of herself that’s better than she ever imagined.