Let It Go

Those of us with spinal cord injuries often are told to be tough, to push ourselves to succeed, to work hard at our recovery, and to keep working at the everyday functions of life. While this is important advice, it can also be counterproductive.

The advice itself is sound, but sometimes we get the message twisted around in our minds. Being tough is not being unemotional, or cold, or denying our feelings. Emotions are essential, perhaps more so for us than for others. However, our injuries occurred, just getting through our days requires more effort and energy than for those who do not have to deal with the limitations of a disability.

Often, this also means we are more frustrated, more exhausted, or even more depressed than our friends or family members. We should recognize these feelings, and accept them as part of who we are. Don’t push away the emotions that come with the bad days. They are as valuable as the emotions we have on our good days.

Our emotions are part of what makes us human, and part of the complexity and depth of our lives. To deny them is to deny our humanity.

I know that when I cannot stand or walk, or when I am in pain, I am fearful, frustrated, depressed and sometimes angry. I can feel my whole body tighten up and the pain increases. I hear myself lash out at the people I love. When this happens, I almost always feel guilty and quickly apologize. But then I realize I am apologizing for being human…and when I think about it, that seems pretty stupid.

But that is what pain does. The negative emotions can often build upon themselves and make us feel even worse than the physical pain. But all is not lost. There are many ways to deal with them. Do you feel like you need to scream and let out the pain and frustration? That’s OK. Let it out. Don’t let others tell you that you shouldn’t yell loud enough to shake the room! The release is healthy.

You can also choose to meditate, exercise, or play music to feel better. Some people write in their journal, or escape into movie or a tv show. Think about what makes you feel better, and hold onto it, ready to employ it the next time you hurt, physically or emotionally. Allow yourself those emotions, and you will feel better.

And by the same token, when you feel joy, happiness, pride, or love, celebrate the feeling of feeling good. Allow yourself the feeling that lifts you up and makes you feel happy. If you deny these emotions, you are denying a critical part of who you are, and certainly a part of what makes it great to be alive. And mark that feeling in your heart and your mind. Then remember it on the days that aren’t so happy, to let yourself know the happiness will come again.

Our emotions help us magnify the positive and lessen the negative in our lives. Holding back on your emotions is proven to be unhealthy. People who bottle up their emotions are more susceptible to illness and suffer more injuries. So let it go! Let it fly!