Learning and Growing Together
When I became a paraplegic, I had just had my son. Karter was 7 weeks old the day I almost lost my life and to make matters worse, he was strictly a breastfed baby.
When I was on the vent, the ICU staff was amazing. The staff pumped my milk to keep my supply up in case I could breastfeed once I was better and off certain medications. Breastfeeding is an essential activity that provides benefits for the child and mother. My first child was breastfed for 2 years, and I wanted to do the same for Karter. Unfortunately, I was never able to get off the medication, so my dreams of breastfeeding once again were crushed no matter how hard I tried.
Honestly, being a single mother that’s paralyzed is super hard. I’m not going to glorify it or make it seem like it’s easy. It’s not and it is stressful. Imagine being outside playing with your 2-year-old and they decided to take off and you can’t catch them, and God forbid they go up or down some stairs. How are you going to get to them? My son took off up some stairs at my apartment and I couldn't get him. Instantly my whole world was crushed even more. No matter how hard I trained in rehab with Karter, it never prepared me for every year of his life. How can I be independent and not a “burden” now? One thing a mother is going to do is always figure it out.
I not only rearranged my life because of my SCI but also had to as a single mom with a newborn baby and an active teenage daughter. As the mom who used to wake up every morning and cook my daughter breakfast before school, show up at every school field trip, pop up at recess and play, being in a wheelchair has made tasks like this way more complicated.
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I know what it is like to be a parent, disabled and able-bodied. My daughter A’Niah was 11 years old when I became paralyzed. Parenting as an able-bodied person versus a disabled person can be quite different. Able-bodied individuals can perform daily activities and care for their children with minimal assistance. Disabled individuals, on the other hand, may require additional help, especially with tasks such as lifting, bathing, and changing their child. I know I struggled at bathing Karter in his first 8 months of life.
I thank God A’Niah was old enough to help me. We (people living with disabilities) may also face more challenges with mobility and accessibility when it comes to activities such as going to the park, attending school events, or participating in sports activities. Additionally, disabled parents may face stigma and discrimination and need to advocate for themselves and their families more frequently than able-bodied parents. Despite these challenges, both able-bodied and disabled individuals can be loving, caring, nurturing, and capable parents.
I know my disability doesn’t get in the way or affect the way I love my children. My disability doesn’t define me as a parent. It may limit me, but it doesn’t stop me. My goal is to strive to be the best mommy I can be and show my kids how to be adversity and that anything is possible with God.