How Did You Get To Be Here?
Recently, I began looking through hundreds of photographs and slides my father had taken of family gatherings and celebrations. (I should probably mention that Dad died 24 years ago, and these slides had been sitting in their boxes all that time.) A photo book created and shared by a relative inspired me to get them out of the boxes, to see what was still meaningful, and share them with my brother, and my aunts, uncles and cousins.
Many of us with spinal cord injuries often think of our lives as divided into “Before and After” our injuries. We mourn the loss of physical ability, we look back wistfully at activities we no longer perform with ease, and can quickly slip into feeling depressed. That can make us reluctant to take that look back, wanting to avoid the inevitable feeling of loss.
But sometimes, we look back and realize that we have grown and gained emotional strength despite, or even because of, our injuries.
The look back I made as I dove into the photos from my past was different. This trip down memory lane brought me joy as I saw loved ones I remembered but had not seen in decades. The faces of relatives not really forgotten, but pushed to the back of my brain, smiled out from the pages. Flipping through them, it occurred to me just how important these memories are. Every family gathering revealed in these photos helped shape who I am today. The people in my life all influenced my personality and my emotional and intellectual development. They are my history and are cherished and celebrated.
We have many national holidays commemorating our history: Women’s History Month, Juneteenth, Veterans Day, and the Fourth of July. These are marked on our calendars as times to stop our everyday activities and celebrate our past, even if just for a moment. They remind us that we have a collective history and that none of us is created completely new and fully formed. We all come from somewhere, for someone, that makes us the individual we are at this moment.
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So, stop and celebrate your own history. You are dealing with a spinal cord injury - what gave you the strength to do that? Who offered their love and support as you first dealt with your injury? How did you become someone who thrives rather than just survives? As Stephen Sondheim asks in his hit show, Merrily We Roll Along, “How did you get to be here?” Think about, and maybe write down, the times and the people that made you the strong person you are.
Spend the time to take a long look back on your own personal history with justifiable pride and well-earned joy. Take the time to remember the good times you have had, whether before or after your injury. You may discover that “Before and After” aren’t so radically different after all. They are all a part of you. Everyone is the product of every moment that has gone before, of all of the people who have touched our lives. When you look back, you will see that your life, your personality, and your strength come from a continuous line of generous and loving people who have helped you successfully deal with your life as it is at this moment.
You may be surprised to see who was important in your life and what life skills and values they gave you as you developed into the person who is reading this blog right now. After all, William Shakespeare wrote that “What’s Past is Prologue.” Every memory has brought you here and prepared you to meet your future.