Defining You
For the first year or so after an accident that left me paralyzed in a wheelchair, my disability was in the driver’s seat. That was necessary to help me learn and adapt to the world from my new, seated position so I don’t have regrets, but it was a lot. A lot of uncertainty, a lot of trying (and failing), and a lot of brain power spent on a part of my identity that doesn’t define me, not even close. All those things are necessary to be comfy with my disability, but I’m glad it’s all behind me. Letting my disability control my life is boring, and it’s wearisome.
It’s easy to get stuck in routines of letting our condition rule our lives, though, isn’t it? Maybe you have a change in your physical appearance, you’re going through a mentally hard time, or even someone close to you is struggling. We get wrapped up, and we let it consume us.
If I can be so brave to make commands: don’t. Don’t define yourself by what’s going on in your life – no matter how permanent or temporary it is – but instead by how you handle yourself in the midst of it. How you act and interact with the world and the people around you are the greatest testimony to your character.
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I have two examples of this:
- I was in a Jet Ski accident in 2005 that killed my friend and left me paralyzed from the mid-torso, down. I lost my ability to play the sports I loved, feel the grass under my feet, and to get around the world with ease. With the help of my community, my faith, and a buffet of adaptive possibilities, I was able to flip my mindset from “I’m sad and sorry for myself,” to “I’ll make the best of it.” Since then, I’ve done a deep dive into the world of adaptive sports, I’ve written 4 books, and I share my story with whoever will listen. I’m not bragging on myself, only saying that it’s possible to turn an “impossible” situation into one that shines brighter than if it had never happened.
- My second hardship came when I went to college. For the most part, I figured out how to overcome my physical differences. Or, at least, I knew who to ask for help when I had a problem. The hardship came when I was in a whole new environment, with a whole new set of people, and all on my own. It was one of the hardest years of my life, but also one of the most important years in learning how to love myself. Freshman year was hard, really hard. After summer break when I was about to go back for my second year, I told myself “I don’t want to do that again,” and “I’ll do whatever I need to be happy next year.” I had used my disability as an excuse to not meet people or put myself out there and, as a result, I was miserable. When I went back to school, I did it all differently: I joined clubs, I introduced myself to beautiful strangers who became friends, and I didn’t settle for weekend nights spent alone. And that’s how I got Kristin back; I became comfortable in my new [college] environment, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, and I became less of an “other.” It took heaps of effort from me, but I moved from “the pretty girl in the wheelchair,” to “Kristin.”
The “pretty” adjective is my addition – I’m writing my own story here. Maybe someone described me like that, though?
We’ve been conditioned to deal with a lot of hard stuff, and it’s very easy to let that stuff consume you. Instead of letting the hard situations define you, I challenge you to define yourself and your situation. Write your own story, instead of letting your circumstances write it for you.