Dating in a Wheelchair, How Far You’ve Come
Zack simply decided one day to start dating. He made a profile on a few dating apps, posted pictures of him in his power wheelchair and hit upload. It was a bold move, but not surprising because that is how Zack is. Once he decides to do something, he does it. Dating is scary enough as an able-bodied person; add in a wheelchair to make things a lot more complicated. Zack was 15 when he broke his neck and around 18 when he decided to take the risk. It paid off but not without trial and error, like with anything new.
When Zack started dating, he did not drive, so I would have to drop him off and pick him up. This can be awkward pulling up in an adaptive minivan with your mom for a first date. We figured out quickly that we needed to get him there early, so mother and minivan could be out of sight before his date arrived. There was a timeframe that I counted 12 first dates! Yep, a dozen one-time dates. I think this was harder on me than Zack. I was proud of him for putting himself out there but felt a bit sad and embarrassed that these dates ended after only one time, plus no one likes pity dates. Yet, Zack chose to view these dates as learning opportunities. He was given the gift of experience, talking with new people, different personalities and topics. He didn’t seem to mind.
One time I pulled up just in time to see Zack boldly lean in for a hopeful kiss, and the unexpecting girl quickly turned her cheek. Slow down I said to him after he was in the car. He figured it was worth a shot. There was also an incident where he had a date over to the house after I had highly discouraged this option, but she showed up, and I couldn’t say anything at that point. They watched a movie together, and when she got up to leave, I happened to walk out at that moment; as this poor girl was exiting my home, I called out after her, “Sorry, my son can’t walk you out,” instantly regretting my choice of words even as they were coming out of my mouth. What the heck! How embarrassing for the young girl. Not surprisingly, we never saw her again. These were embarrassing moments for sure, but now they are funny memories.
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During the whole dating process, Zack met new people, tried new restaurants, learned how to have more meaningful conversations, ask questions, listen to the answers, try activities he’d never tried, such as adaptive bowling (by using bumpers on the lane and a rolling device the bowling alley offers to kids to help them bowl) He went to movies, concerts, parties etc... just getting out of the house and doing something made every date worth it. He did find a few young women he connected with and dated them for a few months each. Zack met and seriously dated someone for a few years, eventually moving in together and getting engaged. This relationship ended before a wedding was planned, but even this painful event is not something Zack would take back, it’s all part of growing. Zack stayed single for a year or two and then was ready to date again. This time as a more mature adult with more life experiences.
Zack met Amanda in October and his words, “Best first date I’ve ever been on!” 5+ hours of comfortable casual to very deep conversation. He said it just felt right. Amanda is a single mom with a 6-year-old daughter, something Zack had never considered, being a possible stepdad. In December, he met Amanda’s daughter and had another immediate connection. Things are moving in a positive direction.