The Yes Parent - Reeve Foundation

Have you ever overcompensated for your kids because you feel less than for having a disability? Do you feel sad, guilty, or even depressed about something that affects your parenting? Do you try to make up in other areas because you feel like you can’t give your children the life they would have had before your injury? Or do you just feel bad and feel like you’re an inconvenience? Well, as humans, we all tend to feel that way at times, whether you’re able-bodied or not. I know I sure have, and quite honestly, I still overcompensate.

The Oxford dictionary defines overcompensate as taking excessive measures to correct or amend for an error, weakness, or problem. Now this sounds so much like me, if I’m being honest. I’m going to be transparent with you, my readers, because I feel like we can create a bond of similarities. Before my injury, I was the yes parent to my daughter. If she asked 9 times out of 10, I would say yes. Why did I say yes, all the time? Was I enabling my child? Was I not teaching her the way of the world because you don’t always get what you want in the real world? In my mind, I was just trying to be the opposite of my mom, who said no 9 times out of 10. I never got what I wanted from my mom, so I told myself I would never be like that as a parent. To make matters worse, I didn’t want my daughter to feel the void of her father not being there.

Fast forward 12 years later, I find myself in the same pattern but for different reasons. Now I have a 2-year-old son, and since his father tried to kill me, I feel so bad, hurt and even disappointed that now my son won’t have a father as well. I'm disappointed in myself because I feel I let my son down. I cry at night sometimes, looking at my son, knowing that he will have this void in his life. So, what do I do, I once again overcompensated. I never want my kids to feel less loved because of another’s actions.

I catch myself in the same cycle of yes, yes, yes. I tend to overbuy clothes, shoes, and toys. Have you ever done that before, or are you currently that yes parent? Deep down, you must evaluate your own actions. What is the cause? What is the effect? How do you change things for the better?

I always tell my kids that it is my job as a parent to prepare them for the real world. If I didn’t do that, I would have failed them as a parent. By me always saying yes, is that preparing them to succeed or fail in the real world? Am I hurting them more than helping them? Technically Webster’s definition of a parent is a: one that begets or brings forth offspring, b: a person who bring up and cares for another. That definition is so dull, and honestly, it’s just the bare minimum. For instance, if you went to an establishment and they had the bare minimum ADA requirements. Would that make life more difficult or easier? Would it be a nuisance? Parenting, well, good parenting, is so much more. You teach and mold your children to be kind, dependable, and respectful adults. When a problem occurs, adults can handle it with grace and remain poised.

It’s so hard to say no to my favorite humans. It hurts to see the look of disappointment in their eyes. As a Christian, I try my hardest to repeat Proverbs 13:24 in my head as I’m giving into their cuteness. Now my kids are 13 and 2, and I believe I’ve done an amazing job with them. Even though I say yes, all the time, my 13-year-old never ever crosses that line of give me, give me, give me. She will tell me, mama, no, that’s too much, or I don’t need that before she is ungrateful. My daughter is very considerate of my money and won’t let me splurge on her no matter how hard I try.

My children are my world. Not only would I die for them, but I will live for them as well. Being that yes parent doesn’t mean you love your kid or kids any more than if you were to say no from time to time. Now, what makes you the yes parent?

My name is Tyra Randle, and I'm a domestic violence survivor. On January 15 of 2020, I was shot 8 times in my home by my son's father and was left paralyzed. Since then, I have devoted my life to being an advocate for domestic violence survivors as well as the disabled community. Now, as an experienced and esteemed public speaker, Diamond in the Rough aims to deliver education, inspiration and hope to a variety of audiences.

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