Biggest Pain; Biggest Accomplishment
I would never have thought my son’s spinal cord injury, which brought me pain, would also give me the biggest sense of accomplishment. I just wanted my son to be as independent as possible, for him to have a good life. 
The ages 38-50 have felt like a lifetime. I look back on photos of things we did and accomplished, wondering how we managed that stuff.
I didn’t have a life plan as a young adult, yet my life unfolded differently than I imagined. I did not think I’d be married with 4 children by age 32 or my son would break his neck as a teenager. This was the hand dealt to me. Throughout Zack’s injury, my consistent thought pattern was how to keep him moving forward. I didn’t want him or I to get stuck. I didn’t have all the answers, I just kept making small and large goals. In my daily job as a caregiver, this mindset helped me every day. I viewed my role as the person who was helping her son create a life that he would be proud of and enjoy. A spinal cord injury is not a death sentence; there is life after a tragic injury.
The shock and pain are real and very uncomfortable. There’s not a lot that compares to your child being suddenly paralyzed. You must go through the stages of grief and find some form of acceptance to move forward. If you don’t do this, you can easily find yourself stuck, deeply sad, overwhelmed and depressed. It’s okay to feel all these feelings, but at some point, it becomes a choice, of how you view this injury. Are you only wishing to have everything back, or can you focus on what you can still do?
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Once you realize you have power over your thoughts, you can manipulate them in your favor and tell yourself that you will have a good life. Zack chose college after injury, which felt impossible in the beginning. We found a scholarship program that helps paralyzed individuals achieve this goal (Swim with Mike) and helps injured athletes get a degree after SCI. Zack lived on campus for a year with a full-time caregiver. After graduating with a bachelor’s degree, he decided to take it a step further and get a master’s degree in counseling. Zack has something to offer others. He now works as a counselor at a private therapy office. Along the way, he was open to dating and currently has a girlfriend. He was able to move into an apartment with a live-in caregiver. Zack wanted to drive, the process (like college) was slow and steady, but again proved to work because he now drives himself in an adaptive wheelchair van. These are just the main things he has achieved after SCI.
I have been with Zack since the day of his injury. I’ve seen this method work and have watched how Zack’s created a life he enjoys. Setting those goals, taking risks, and putting in the hard work has paid off and is now my biggest accomplishment. I will always be there for Zack, but I can step back, and he will take it from here.