Bad Days/Good Days
“It’s not how you do on your good days. It’s how you do on your bad days.”
A few years ago, my physical therapist told me this when I was in the early stages of my spinal cord recovery. I did not absorb the message, largely because I didn’t want to. I didn’t want bad days. I wanted to feel better and better and better every week I went to therapy. No bad days, please.
But I have come to admit that we all have bad days, maybe even bad weeks or months. We are all human. Some days are better than others. But as I have worked to recover mobility from my injury, I think I have learned how to deal with the reality of those days so I do not get caught in a downward spiral.
This summer, my back began to act up. I had not had pain in my back for several years, and now I was faced with pain sometimes so intense I could not walk, or even stand up. I continued with therapy, but I had clearly lost ground. And it was depressing – really depressing. Days turned into weeks, and I saw my doctors diagnose and treat my back pain. My orthopedist explained to me that the spinal fusion I had in 2014 was causing pressure in other parts of my back. And I was getting older. (Big shock!) Like almost everyone my age, my discs were being compressed, and in my case, the condition was aggravated by my previous surgery. Nerves were being pinched, causing the pain.
To treat the physical pain, I recently received cortisone injections, and now we wait to see how effective they are. But no matter what, I know there will still be “bad days” that will challenge my recovery and mental well-being. In addition to the physical pain in my back, the pain causes me to become angry and depressed. If I can’t perform the exercises in physical therapy, and I don’t feel progress, I grow resentful.
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I am a realist (sometimes). I know that wishing alone will not make something so. But I do believe, and studies bear me out, that relieving pain requires not only good medicine, but also a good emotional frame of mind. Just last week, I had a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day”. I was frustrated and uncharacteristically pessimistic. It was hard to stand, impossible to walk, and even painful to sit. My self-confidence vanished. I went to bed early, hoping for a better day when I woke up, and determined to make it better. And the next day, I had significantly less pain, could do my exercises, could walk a bit on my crutches, and felt so much happier.
Overcoming pain and sadness is hard work. It takes physical and mental strength, and is often not quick. But many times, working with physical therapists, doctors, family, friends and others, we can pull ourselves out of the darkness. I know that when I feel better physically, I feel better emotionally, and vice versa. They go hand in hand.
So I have to remind myself: “Get going. Keep working. Don’t give up. Don’t let the frustration get the better of you.”
And this is what I think the message about good days and bad days means to me. On the “bad days,” I need to take care of myself - meditate, relax or do something fun. I need to get in the right headspace. If I can muster the physical strength, I need to work hard on my exercises and stretches. We have more control than we think over our emotional and physical health, but it is up to us to use that control to feel better. “It is how you do on your bad days.”