A Not-So-Mystical Guide to Happiness

Recently, I read an article about how to be happy in your “senior” years. Putting aside the fact that I am, in fact, in that phase of my life, I found the advice to be very relevant and helpful for those of us who are living with paralysis. It inspired me to adapt the guidance in the article, borrowing a few points, but also reflecting on how I have lived happily for the past ten years with my spinal cord injury.

1. Remember, nobody is thinking about you as much as you think they are. Don’t give power to the negativity of others. The less you worry about what other people think of you, the happier you will be. We all make mistakes. We all say things we regret later. Get over it. Live up to what YOU think makes you healthy and happy, not what other people or society says you “should” do.
2. Don’t listen to the cheers. This applies to anyone, but perhaps more to those of us with disabilities than to others. People may compliment you on your progress. Be proud, but don’t let it go to your head. You know when you have made progress, you know when you feel strong. And you also know we have good days and not-so-good days. Pay no attention to what others think. Just live the life you’re living, giving it whatever it requires.
3. Make active, young friends. I have just returned from a visit with friends, their children, and grandchildren, and I am here to tell you: there is nothing more energizing than the company of the young. They are bright, creative, enthusiastic, informative, and full of life. They will make you more of all those things.
4. Have doctors you trust, and be honest with them. They are here to help us, but they cannot do their job if we are not 100% honest with them and tell them how we feel.
5. Realize that everyone has pain. Everyone has challenges. If you didn’t know that before, you know it now. When you have a disability, you are more aware of others with disabilities or other challenges in their lives, as well as how people react to us. People you meet casually, and those you have known all your life - everyone has some pain. And once you realize that fact, be kind. Kindness will return to you.
6. Join a gang. This advice is meant for men more than women, because women are always part of one group or another. The value of socializing comes to women naturally. Men, on the other hand, don’t band together naturally, but they should, especially when too much solitude leads to isolation and depression. Every study of mental and physical health tells us that we are happier and healthier when we have friends. Find your posse. Find, or create, a group of guys who share an interest.
7. Don’t let regrets get you down. Regrets are a part of life. Learn to live with them. Learn from them and move on.
8. Start and end every day by listening to music. Jazz, classical, disco… you choose. I can’t give you a scientific reason for it. But you’ll thank me.
9. Be grateful. Take time every day to write down things for which you are grateful. (Yes, don’t just think of them, write them down.) Over time it will change your entire outlook on life. I start each day by sharing a “gratitude list” with a friend. Each morning, we send each other 5 things for which we are grateful. It has changed my life.
10. Try any or all of these suggestions. Or not. They may improve your mental and physical health… or not. All of us are unique and different. So let me know…what works for you?