Fatherhood has been life-changing. My daughter just turned five months old, and she’s growing so fast. When I first found out my wife was pregnant, I was overwhelmed with happiness. After my injury, I didn’t know if I’d ever get married or have children. One of the realizations that came after my accident was how much I wanted a family, something I hadn’t given much thought to before.
Once the excitement settled in and the reality of becoming a dad sank in, I couldn’t help but think about the things I physically wouldn’t be able to do with her. Because of my limitations as a quadriplegic, I knew my wife would take on more responsibility. I can’t pick my daughter up, dress her, bathe her, change her diaper, or make her bottles. All the everyday tasks that come with caring for an infant. Thinking about all the things I couldn’t do brought up insecurity and doubt. I started to feel discouraged and sad. Was I going to be able to be a good dad despite all these things I can’t do for her?
But I also began to focus on the ways I could show up. The ways I could love and connect with her. I promised myself I would make an extra effort to be involved and present. I have also seen other dads who are quadriplegics, and they seemed to be doing pretty well. If it was possible for them, then it’s possible for me.
Now, as a father of two, my stepdaughter and my youngest with my wife. I’ve made it a priority to step up and provide for my family. I’m a marriage and family therapist, and I truly love what I get to do. Having a child changes everything. My wife and I both work, so we knew we’d need childcare during the week. As a first-time father, I quickly learned how expensive daycare is. Thankfully, we created a schedule that works for us, part-time daycare, and time with the grandmas on the other days. It’s taken teamwork, flexibility, and communication, but we’ve made it work.
There are still moments when I wish I could do more. Some days are hard because my mind fixates on what I can’t do, which can make me feel like a burden. I want to take on more, so my wife doesn’t feel overwhelmed or burnt out. She is amazing and does so much already. But I’ve learned that focusing on what I can’t do doesn’t help anyone. We can’t let fear or limitation stop us from living the lives we want.
When our daughter was born, I didn’t have all the answers and still don’t, but I’ve realized that’s okay. You figure things out as you go. Parenthood doesn’t come with a manual; it comes with growth, trial, and love. Having our first child together has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. It’s opened up a whole new level of love and purpose for me. My wife and I make a great team, and I do my best every day to step up in the ways I can. Our circumstances don’t define us, our choices do.