Taming Our Demons

I recently read a column by Jim VandeHei of the Axios news service, that struck me as especially relevant to those of us with spinal cord injuries. In it, he discussed how to “tame the demons” in our hearts and minds and help us live happier and healthier lives.

I am no doctor, psychologist, or social worker, but I know from my own experience many of the emotional challenges we face when we have a spinal cord injury. I know the days of deep darkness wondering how we will function in the world. I know the jealousy from simply watching people walk down the street. And I know the despair of feeling dependent on our loved ones for things we used to do for ourselves.

I also know our lives are not over.

VandeHei’s prescription for dealing with our demons begins with the simple admonition: Spot them. We can't control what we don't see, and you can't fix something until you admit it's broken. We all have problems and challenges to face. See them. Name them. Then resolve to deal with them.

After identifying our demons, we need to identify what is driving our emotions. Are we afraid of the physical limitations of our injuries? Afraid that our friends will abandon us? Why are we so angry, and why do we feel that way? What has planted these feelings in us? We must be honest with ourselves.

Next, VandeHei prompts us to quit rationalizing. It's easy to chalk up our fears or anger to “human nature” or try to avoid them. We can dismiss our real-life issues by saying “everybody goes through tough times”. But when those justifications stop us from acting, and dealing with the problems, as VandeHei says, “it's gut-check time.” We can’t move forward without dealing with reality. And our reality is very different from those who do not have spinal cord injuries.

Now that we are admitting our demons, what do we do to overcome them? There are many ways to move forward, and live full and happy lives. Among them:

Listen to others. We all have friends and loved ones who see us more clearly than we see ourselves. I know my husband is usually good for a swift kick in the backside, telling me to focus on what matters, and not to sweat the small stuff. He is also very good at pushing me to work harder at my physical therapy or do my exercises at home. We all need truth-tellers to hold us accountable.

Accentuate the positive. Nothing helps more than concentrating on what is good in your life. Start each day by making a short list of 3-5 things for which you are grateful. You will be surprised at how much it helps your attitude throughout the day.