Man Up

“Man Up!” These may be two of the most harmful words in the English language. We all know what they mean: “Be strong.” There’s nothing you can’t handle on your own.” “Be quiet and take it without complaining.”

We hear this message all the time, and others like it, exhorting men to be tough, strong, stoic, and hard—“Be A Man.” But these messages in our culture actually work against men and can be harmful to our health.

We are not invincible. We get sick. We have health challenges. And we need help. But the message to “tough it out” can lead to more serious problems, even life-threatening ones. For those of us with spinal cord injuries, this can be especially dangerous. Our paralysis limits the physical activity that keeps us healthy. Almost every man with a SCI faces bowel and bladder issues, which, untreated, can lead to complications that threaten our everyday lives. Our diminished sensation can mask any number of serious skin, muscle, or nerve problems that can lead to severe injury or permanent damage.

So what can we to do to insure our own health?

• First and foremost, pay attention to your own body. Everyone is different, and every body reacts differently to a spinal cord injury. Know what your body feels like when you are healthy, and when you are not.
• Find a physical therapist or personal trainer who can help you regain some mobility if possible, or strengthen your body so you don’t injure yourself in your wheelchair.
• Find a doctor with whom you are comfortable, who you trust and in whom you can confide. Talk openly about sexual health, what your body is feeling and telling you, and about every symptom you feel.
• Read up on the physical challenges common to individuals with spinal cord injuries, and discuss that information with your doctors. The Reeve Foundation has great resources, including Sexuality for Men Fact Sheet and Bladder Management Resource Page.
• Reach out to the National Paralysis Resource Center for even more information.
  
  

Putting off these discussions and treatments is dangerous. We each have to be our own advocate and find health care professionals who get to know us and our conditions, with whom we can talk honestly and on whom we can rely for good advice.

And finding good care includes good mental health care. It is impossible to imagine anyone with a spinal cord injury who has not had a bout of depression. Paralysis is depressing, even terrifying, but if we get help and necessary treatment, we can pull out of the depths. Good mental health care should always include a good friend or friends with whom you can be open and honest about your emotions and feelings. It must include a primary care doctor or a spinal cord specialist you can call when you are scared, worried, or depressed. It may mean finding a therapist on whom you can rely to help your mental state.

But these resources will do you no good if you don’t use them. It is hard to ignore the societal pressure to be strong and keep your feelings to yourself. It can be embarrassing to discuss our most personal health issues, but ignoring them and keeping them to yourself endangers both our physical and mental health.

So this month and throughout the year, “Be A Man” in a different way: Be strong enough to admit you need help. Then ask for it. Be tough enough to get past the hesitation to talk about how you feel. You will be a healthier, stronger, more confident, better man for it. You will literally live a fuller, longer life. And isn’t that really what it really means to “Man Up”?