My high school students toss the word “extra” around a lot (and I’m certain our own children call me this behind my back, and they aren’t wrong these days). Extra can mean overly emotional or overwhelming or maybe a person who is irritating or annoying depending on the circumstance. According to one of my juniors, “extra” can also be part of someone's personality, perhaps if they are seeming to try too hard. It’s only the middle of May, but I know without hesitation that June will be extra. We will celebrate our daughter’s 13th birthday, Fathers’ Day (also my dad’s first without my mom), and our wedding anniversary as well as my mom’s celebration of life, which some of our friends are calling Pollyfest and/or PollyPalooza (both of which feel appropriate). There are also softball/baseball/ soccer games, wedding showers, 8th grade moving-up ceremonies, graduations, and our family’s first Bat Mitzvah thrown in for good measure. Also, after the school year ends, my 27th year, our two children are heading to ski camp out at Mt. Hood in Oregon, leaving us for 10 days for the first time ever. It will all be fine; I continue to tell myself daily. To say June will be “extra” is an understatement indeed.
Mother’s Day was difficult without my mom. But we worked in the garden, transplanted seedlings into the ground, stopping only to wash our hands for soccer games late in the day followed by a nice dinner at one of our favorite places with family, including Pop Pop (my dad), Grandma and Grandpa (Geoff’s folks). I’m not sure I had missed my mom that much since the week she passed. My grief was extra, although understood and nurtured certainly.
But while watching Geoff and our daughter plant their items together, listening to them problem-solve and think out loud, I realized the important role this idea or feeling of “extra” has in all of our lives. Even the best celebrations include moments of sadness, stress, worry, and maybe even trepidation of what’s to come next. Graduations aren’t always awesome when one doesn’t exactly know their next steps, yet that is what everyone asks, “So what’s next?”