My Journey Back Underground

I have always enjoyed outdoor activities. I have been active in biking, hiking, rock climbing, camping, caving and more. Caving is my deepest of these passions. Being underground is a nearly spiritual experience, filled with peace, awe, and challenge. The formations and passages inside the cave represent millennia of small deposits or erosions. The power of time and water is evidenced in the removal of solid rock by something as small as drops of water.

When I became paralyzed, I feared that I would never cave again and that the underground world would become unavailable to me. I was afraid that the peace of nature and the friendships developed through outdoor activities would be lost. At times, these fears felt more paralyzing than the physical inability to control my body.

Yet I consciously chose to refuse to give up caving. I had been caving for decades, so I understood the mobility and adaptability necessary to safely cave. Many caver friends supported my goal to resume caving. Some even offered to carry me through the caves. These people not only recognized the need to be underground, but also showed a willingness to forego their own goals and abilities to ensure that I could have that experience. It was humbling to feel so loved.

Not wishing to become a potential liability, I fought hard to regain as much movement, strength, and agility as possible. I have successfully adapted my access to caving to meet my abilities. Although I use different muscles and movements to propel myself, I have been able to return to caving. It has been exhilarating to expand my abilities through adapting the gear I use for caving, the physical process of moving through cave passages, and even the means of accessing cave entrances. There is freedom in caving. All cavers need to crawl or contort their bodies to get through some passages. Movements that seem awkward in everyday life are acceptable and expected in caving.

While I cannot access all the places that other cavers can, I can still enjoy the beauty of underground worlds. I was on a survey team for a cave that I originally helped survey in the early 90s. Participating in the resurvey validated my identity as a caver, even without the proper use of my legs! These experiences were initially terrifying. There were so many ways that I could fail or lose my courage. Thankfully, I persisted, and I am grateful for the experience and for the friends and fellow cavers who supported me throughout my journey.