I had a few concerns coming into parenthood. I say “concerns” instead of “fears” because I don’t think there’s a problem I can’t DIY or self-construct my way out of, but I’m fully aware that my solutions usually require an indirect solution. But that’s the way of disability, right?
I figured out the logistical challenges (how to move my son from place to place, how to be at eye level with his crib, and how to get him on and off the floor), but I hadn’t figured out playtime. My wheelchair is a stick in the mud for many things, and now I’m adding “playing with my toddler” to the list.
It’s such a bummer. So, like everything else, I found workarounds.
- I spend my days bent down over my legs to get closer to his level, or 6 inches from his face. The latter isn’t for an adaptive reason – I’m just obsessed with him. Bending over my legs, though, is constant so I can be in the action. I spent hours on the floor when he was a baby until I got a wound on my lower back (Warning! Learn from my mistake!), so staying in my wheelchair and bending over is a modification. This one wreaks havoc on my neck and upper back if I stay in position for too long, so take another warning. Maybe mix it up with a bending-over-your-wheel move.
- As my son is starting to pull up to his feet, I acknowledge the help of mid-height furniture/surfaces (sofa or chair height) in playtime: We have a crib that sits on the ground and opens in the middle, so I can push his butt and him into the crib, and avoid a lift. I lean on the sofa to play with a toy, and he stands next to me to play. He’ll hold on to the couch while I bend over (again, always) to move his legs and help practice walking.
- I’ve seen people put a holster (“walking harness”) on their baby to recreate an airlift, to redirect crawling, and/or to relocate the child. My son was too wiggly even to put the harness on his body so this didn’t work for us, but it’s a great idea that might check off for you.
- I’ll end with a suggestion not for play, but for herding your son or daughter during playtime: make a food trail. My first move is to ensure my floors are clean(ish), and then I roll around the house, leaving a trail of puffs behind me. Especially now that my son is crawling at top speed and with a nod to my inability to scoop him up and reposition him myself, this is the only way that works for us; he sees me dropping puffs and crawls straight for the next dropping – kind of like a dog, but a lot noisier.
I’ve learned a lot since becoming a mama: about myself, babies, adaptations, and how far I can push myself. Making playtime accessible is just another thing to conquer. It took me a few wounds and lots of back pain to figure out what works for us, but it’s worth that; being able to participate in this part of his life is important for both our relationship and my fulfillment.
As my son grows, I know there will be a new list of problems to figure out. But that’s the fun part, right? Is never-ending problem-solving fun? Not all the time, of course not. So far, concerning motherhood, though, it has been a blast.